CAR FOR SALE
2001 Toyota Estima: likes to be known as ‘Silver Bullet’ (named by children, this is not a reflection of its speed).
KMs Logged: 250,144
Condition: Looks as if it has been treated like the ugly stepchild.
Paintwork: Badly damaged with handprints from little people covered in sunscreen.
Exterior: Filthy, eternally dusty from a country gravel driveway. R passenger door has a dented panel from an altercation with a fence.
Front spoiler: Cracked and falling off.
Aerial: Broken off, radio band will only pick up AM frequency.
Interior: Rear upholstery stinks of vomit, urine and stale biscuit crumbs. Front passenger seat has a faint smell of amniotic fluid. Parts of the carpet have been eaten away by rotten food and mice. You can write your name in the dust on its dashboard.
Doors: Will not open unless you use enough force to pull your shoulder joints out of their sockets.
Seatbelts: Have been replaced recently due to being severed by the dog.
Sat Nav: Will only work if you are driving through Japan.
Tyres: New tyres bought yearly due to improper care of air pressure required to keep them in optimal condition.
WARNING: a hole in the oil cylinder will leave large stains on the concrete of your garage and have you topping up the oil frequently. A colony of fruit flies may circle your head, making driving a challenge at times.
Very low risk of theft, any would-be car thieves are likely to hop in, and then hop right out.
Young hipster children fresh from drinking coffee with their parents may double take and wrinkle their noses at you in disgust, as they walk past and get into their flashy land cruisers. You will need to develop a thick skin if you are to be seen around town in this car.